Some hold both views and feel powerfully conflicted. Here are ideas for dealing with the many emotions that arise around this difficult family decision:. Don't make promises you can't — and shouldn't — keep. I've heard many caregivers say they won't even consider a nursing home for a parent. This sounds noble but could have untoward consequences. If the parent should have a sudden downturn — for example, a broken hip or stroke — then the family is caught unprepared when the hospital staff insists the parent can't return home and needs a nursing home facility.
To prevent this, I suggest that caregiving families plan for all contingencies, including the potential need for hour supervision some day. Ideally, parent and adult child should visit local nursing homes, weigh options and indicate preferences before an emergency requires a rushed decision.
Your job is to provide the right care — but not always in the form a parent wants. The "right care at the right time" is always open to debate. It shouldn't, however, be solely defined by a parent's unchanging wishes in what are usually fluid situations. A "right" plan should meet a parent's needs now and in the future, while taking into account the needs and capabilities of other family members.
If the care that best meets that formula is nursing home placement, then that is the prudent choice for everyone. Expect a cascade of emotions.
When my mother agreed to go to the nursing home, I felt a palpable rush of relief mixed with onerous guilt that I somehow hadn't been able to do more to prevent this move. And I felt deep sadness. It was awful that my mother had deteriorated to the point that hour care was crucial. Then, like her, I began worrying about what nursing home living would actually be like. These feelings were very strong and uncomfortable, but normal.
Caregiving changes but continues. In the last few months, my mother has been adjusting to her new living situation and so have I. Putting one of your parents or grandparents in this situation too soon can cause tension on your relationship or make them feel less independent than they actually are. On the other hand, waiting too long can raise serious health and safety concerns, among other issues. Has your mom recently suffered a fall at home while no one was around? Can your grandpa still do simple tasks for himself like cook a decent meal or get up the steps on his own?
These might seem like small details, but they make a big difference. Not everyone will be entirely forthcoming about these aging issues, but a bit of questioning on your end should tell you everything you need to know about their struggles maintaining personal hygiene.
Speaking of personal hygiene, talk about how eating and sleeping has been going lately. Complete guide to nursing homes. Featured Cities for Nursing Homes.
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Make sure that you do your research and consider this potentially more comfortable option before deciding to put a loved one into a nursing home. While you likely are willing to stay at home and help your aging parents, this may not be possible for extended periods of time. Having an at-home caregiver will work if your parents are at least in part self-sufficient.
You can ensure that your loved ones are getting the care that they need, whenever they need it. You can then go back to your regular home, life, and career. While this will likely make you feel guilty, remember that you and your livelihood are also important. You can always come to visit your parents for long weekends and spend time with them.
Plus, Skype chats make remote visits possible, too! While at-home care is a more comfortable and generally superior alternative to a nursing home, it can sometimes not be enough.
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